After
my first and very brief visit to a very public place, THE MALL, the urge to
go back when I had more time was very strong. I didn't have a bad experience
the first time, so I felt comfortable trying it again.
So when I had a free afternoon on Saturday, March 3, 2001, I dressed as I did for my first visit and off I went to the same mall, Polo Park!
This time, I parked in the lot, got out of my vehicle and walked right inside, and without my sunglasses this time! At first, it felt a little scary knowing people could see my eyes just as I could see them. Then as I walked through the mall, pausing to look at pretty things in the store windows, I started feeling really comfortable when no one seemed to notice or care. This was early afternoon and the place was packed!
I did notice some guys checking me out. But as I also noticed they didn't point me out to the girls they were with, so I felt realy confident that they thought they knew what they were looking at. WOW, what a feeling! I think I would have felt a whole lot diferent about the experience if they talked to the girls they were with and pointed me out.
I had read that when out and someone looks at you, simply look back with confidence and smile as you pass. I kept that in mind as I passed lots of people, and even had some girls smile back :-)
After about half an hour, I left the mall and had a wonderful smile on my face as I walked through the parking lot and returned to my vehicle. As I stood by my vehicle opening the door, a lady stopped and said "Excuse me miss, are you leaving". I smiled and nodded, and so did she. I left and she took my spot. You can imagine how wonderful and experience this was for me.
For so many years I have stayed away from people when out, and have really missed out on so many wonderful experiences. I believe the reason I have been pushing myself to make these trips to the mall, is to attack all those fears I have had once and for all. From being weighed down with all the guilt feelings for so many years, I feel this weight is being lifted bit by bit, and I'm ready to stand up and begin living my life.
Thanks for reading my story,
Sabrina
E-mail me at sabrina_markes@masquerade.ca
Member of the Winnipeg support group - "Masquerade"