Joining the Winnipeg Support Group "Masquerade"....It seems like my life is moving ahead leaps and bounds:-) After meeting Shandi, and going out for a "girls night out", then to a party where I met with some of the girls from Masquerade, I couldn't wait to go to my first meeting, which was August 14, 2001. I had missed the opportunity to go to the July meeting, so this time, I took the day off, just to make sure nothing would get in the way.
I did a little shopping for girl-stuff. I needed a belt for a few outfits I haven't worn yet, and although I do have a purse, I figured that if I was going to be going out more, I needed something for money and stuff:-) I got a nice little wallet with lots of pockets and a zipper pocket for coins. After all, when dressed in a skirt, just where are the pockets
? Again, the shopping experience was pleasant, not like even a year ago, when I'd stalk the rack from a distance and grab the first thing I picked up. I opened each style, checked out the features of each and picked out the one I really wanted. The same when picking out a belt. Heck, I even was wrapping them around my waist to see if they fit:-) I took some time to meet a friend for coffee, washed and vacuumed my van, and was home by about 1PM. I had planned to have some alone time in the afternoon while my girlfriend was still at work, to get my things ready to go out to the meeting in the evening:-) I had simply had told my girlfriend I had a meeting and might be late, buying myself the time!
As I drove down our lane, guess who was driving toward me from the other end?? My girlfriend! My heart fell with a thud! I thought OH MY GOD! She was coming home early! How would I get my things out of the house??? All my wonderful thoughts of having a fun evening were sinking. I was so relieved when she told me all she came home for was some floppy disks she forgot!! She left after only a few minutes and said that she herself would be working late too:-) I though that my girlfriend working again would be great, and afford me lots of free "fem time" at home. However, since she only works a ten minute drive from home, it has been risky. There have been a few times this summer when I bolt for the shower when the dog bolts for the door
. For a dumb blond dog, she is a good scout in that regard:-) After my girlfriend left, I did have my shower and got my stuff ready. I really wanted to just dress and leave the house, like I did when she was in Calgary and I went out to meet Shandi and Janine, but still thought it was too risky, and planned to do what I've done hundreds of times before, change in my van. Now that I'm going out meeting people, I've got to think like a real girl and not wear the same thing twice:-) I decided to wear my white blouse, my long leather skirt with the zipper up the front of the left leg, black hose (over beige- Oh I wanted to shave sooooo badly!!), and my black pumps.
All set, I left and went to my favorite parking spot and really had a blast getting ready. By about 6PM, I was ready. In the crowded and busy parking lot, I opened the sliding door and stood looking at my reflection in the van's windows. WOW, I was ready indeed! It always amazes me how even I myself can't see much of my guy self looking back. I think a lot of that has to do with the wig, in the way it frames my face:-)
I couldn't remember if the meeting started at 7 or 7:30, so I was ready early, having time to stop at Mary's store, Lady Godiva Boutique, finding that parking was available right in front of the building!! That was not going to be as much fun, so I parked half a block away on purpose and walked to the building. I really enjoyed being out in the bright sunlight, just being a girl:-). It was such a great feeling, being dressed and having some place to go too. I passed a few teenage girls on the sidewalk. Not a look, not a giggle out of them:-)
I got to Mary's and walked right inside, like it was so natural, which it was. I noticed a male customer browsing the racks, smiled and passed him as I walked toward the rear of the store and met Mary. Not one bit of nervousness!! It was so nice that Mary remembered me from the party and being in her store with Shandi and Janine, to hear my name being called out as she said hi:-) I told Mary "I brought money!", and she smiled remembering the black patent 5 inch stilettos with the ankle strap I had tried on when I was in the store with Shandi a few weeks early. This time, I was wearing a skirt, so the effect in the mirror would be better.
As I sat and put the shoes on, Mary made a comment "You guys put these on and walk around with no problem. I put them on and wobble all over the place
!" As I sat with my legs crossed, my skirt sliding open at the front slit, and tightened the ankle straps, it was such a unexplainable wonderfully feminine feeling. Then standing up in them. GOD THEY FELT GOOD!! Then walking was a little difficult, at first. Mary has a full length mirror and I have to say I loved the way they looked on me. GOD I wish I was only 5 ft 6. I'd wear them all the time! After about five minutes, I took them off and put my pumps back on and it felt like I wasn't wearing heels ! There is something so exciting about wearing high heels with an ankle strap. Once you put them on, they are on and stay on, and don't come off until you take them off!!
While I was in the store, a GG customer walked in and was browsing the racks. It was so cool being in there, being around people and just having a good time being myself.
Anyway, still being early, I headed off to the meeting. When I got there, Angela, still in guy-mode, had arrived early and was busy cleaning up a flood. I offered to help and she said "not in a skirt and high heels you don't!" I was given the task of putting all the flowers and candles on the tables, which was more like "woman's work"
It was my first time to a meeting, and you know, it felt like I really belonged there and had been going for years. It just felt so right. And to be walking about doing real things, hearing my heels clicking away on the floor was a terrific feeling:-) A few more girls started arriving. I met Paula, the club president, and I right away knew that I knew her from somewhere but couldn't put my finger on it. (It hit me later*S*) She was dressed in a nice pant suit with white sandals. Then Vanessa, wearing stilettos, a gray very-mini skirt, and a sexy red top, and Ardra arrived. They have a wonderful change room, complete with a "showgirl style" make-up table, with big mirror with lights all around it*S*. I must compliment Vanessa with her wonderful appearance. Even standing a foot away, I'd never in a million years guess that she was anything but the real thing!
By this time, Angela was finished cleaning up and had sat down to chat. She was too tired now to change. Then a visitor from Ontario, Babs, who knows the group, arrives. Angela knew her and we all sat and talked. Then another sister shows up, in guy-mode. It was also her first time to a meeting. She was very nervous too and I do hope that by talking with her we helped put her at ease. It is that kind of support and compassion, I believe, that makes it so easy to associate with the people in the group.
Then Tina, in guy-mode, arrives, then Natalie wearing a blue sweater and denim skirt and flat sandals and a pretty blue scarf arrives. The room suddenly filled with people, including Linda! She was wearing a red turtleneck, blue skirt, black tights and heels. Andrea arrived about 7:15 and was still getting ready when the meeting started, and kept putting her two cents worth in from the change room
. When she finally came out, she had on a knee length black skirt, black hose, patent stilettos and a white top. She took almost an hour and a half to get ready and her makeup looked it. Her eyes were extremely well done too! Andrea is the club treasurer, and began collecting the monthly dues, $ 3 to cover the coffee and snacky foods. When I was about to hand her my $ 3, she said OH no, I was a guest until I decide to become a member. I smiled and handed her my envelope with my $ 25 in it and said "now can I pay my way?":-) She took my coins and gave me the book to sign. It was such a wonderful feeling, actually signing my fem name to something:-) Andrea told me to give the membership to the treasurer, who handles the registration and who would be arriving later. I did just that and got my membership card!!
Natalie, who is their events coordinator, talked with the group about all the meeting programs planned and other events. I'm really looking forward to all of them. For the September meeting, we are to show up without any eye make-up, as there will be people coming to show us the techniques:-) For the following months, they are planing to have counselors at the meetings, a night with a beautician, an "accessories night", individual girls specialty night, a " working with wigs night, an SO appreciation night, and beard cover options. They are also planning dinners out, movies, a billiard night, a hay ride, and house parties!! She stressed that for any meeting or event, people are encouraged to "come out wearing whatever you feel comfortable in, either dressed or not dressed". (I think she meant wearing clothes of either girl or guy mode
). I was sitting there thinking to myself, "I used to want to work out of town so I could dress, now I don't want to work out of town so I don't miss dressing here!!" I am so happy that I found the group too. And timing couldn't have been better either. I used to have lots of fem time during my work trips which too me to both Ontario and Saskatchewan, but lately, my work has been keeping me close to home.
Those trips have always been MY time to be myself, and I must admit, before I found the Masquerade site in June, and when my girlfriend was still not working, I felt like I had lost the precious time that I so badly needed. Now I feel so relaxed about, well, everything!! My girlfriend is now working, and I don't NEED the next business trip for "girl-time", I know there is the September meeting for sure, and when Shandi gets back from holidays, we are going to go to the mall and do some serious shopping on a Saturday:-)
After the business part of the meeting, we all just sat and chatted about everything. It was so wonderful too. And when Paula was talking about the low attendance in the summer, and I pointed out that is the same with all clubs in the summer. People are away on holidays and stuff like that.
This world is getting very small:-) Two of the members I found out, I had known through other associations, yet never knew about each other's little "hobby. It was very nice to have one on one conversations after the meeting too, and get to know each other a little better:-) I wished I wasn't working Wednesday, Vanessa, Natalie and Ardra planned to go to Club 200 after the meeting and I did have to get some sleep as I had to work the next day.
I need to plan better. I did receive their newsletter "Lipstick & Lace", which Shandi produces. She does a wonderful job on all the 12 pages. And guess what?? She put my article about my experiences meeting the girls on the front page!!*S* I thoroughly enjoyed reading the newsletter, the stories from other girls adventures and thoughts. There was even a page with photos from Edwina's party too:-), and a links page with a link to my web site, listed as a "new member"*S* (Shandi knew I wouldn't miss out joining the club!)
After leaving, the building, it felt so wonderful walking in the cool night air, dressed in high heels and a skirt, enjoying being feminine. On the way home, I thought of how many thousands of times I've wanted to be out doing something, anything. And now it seems like those dreams are finally coming true. Driving home I checked my cell phone. My girlfriend never even tried to call. That made me feel a whole lot better about being at the meeting:-) After changing, I got home snuck my things into the house and fell off into dream land! Dreaming of the next time*S*
Be sure to visit the Masquerade web site at http://www.masquerade.ca/
If anyone has been thinking of joining a group in your own home-town, and has been too worried about it. From my experience, it has been one of the best things that have happened in my life!
Thanks for reading my story,
Sabrina
E-mail me at sabrina_markes@masquerade.ca
Member of the Winnipeg support group - "Masquerade"