Wearing Makeup...
By the time I got into high school, all the girls were into wearing makeup and experimenting with all the various looks. I admit I was envious that I couldn't join in the fun, but I did pay attention to what they were doing. I don't know if any of them noticed how I kept an eye on them while the worked their magic on their faces. I really wanted to know what they were applying and how they were applying it, colors and all that.
After I figured out just what I needed, I purchased foundation, blush, eyeshadow (Bright Blue!!), mascara and a liquid eye liner. The first attempts, now that I look back, were really bad. I might as well have used a one inch brush to paint the stuff on! I guess, I figured the more the better<LOL>. Sometimes, I would stay at my grandparents place, and stay up most of the night when everyone else was asleep, putting the makeup on, trying to look right, taking it off again, then trying again. That was really the only time I could feel safe trying it. During the day, I was always so scared that someone would come home and catch me. I always wound up looking like I got punched in the face one to many times. Back then there were so many school days when I would go to school with bloodshot eyes, from being up all night when I was finally alone and from washing the mascara out of my eyes!! I think the teachers really thought I did drugs<LOL>
For a number of years after school, I worked as a photographer and had the perfect opportunity to stare at female faces all day long and study their makeup!! Wonderful learning experiences. I know I don't have all the answers, but at least I nolonger look like I've been punched<LOL>
Over the years, I always wore makeup when I dressed, and felt incomplete if I didn't, like I had to erase any of the guy part of me from view. For the most part, it has been all or nothing. Now that I am learning more about how these desires are real, and not part of some fantasy, I'm starting to enjoy dressing, putting on my wig and enjoying an eveing without makeup. I wouldn't go out without wearing makeup though, just to enjoy being me.
Thanks for reading my story,
Sabrina
E-mail me at sabrina_markes@masquerade.ca
Member of the Winnipeg support group - "Masquerade"