My first night out with the girls...
After meeting with Shandi in guy-mode earlier in the week, Shandi invited me to go with her on a "girls night out", Thursday, July 26, 2001, along with a founding member of Masquerade who is visiting Winnipeg.
Being a little confused about what to wear for my "night out with the girls", I wrote to Shandi and asked what would be best for whatever she had planned and her reply was "Casual"! Now casual could mean different things to different people, so I was still confused. So, to be on the safe side, I did the boring thing, I wore my jeans, black hose, my wine colored short sleeve T-shirt, pumps and shoes with a high and wide heel, and my black shinny jacket:-) I know it sounds boring, but you know, it just felt so perfect!! I often think of advise Cynthia gave me about passing, to just dress very casual, "like every other woman".*Thanks Cynthia - HUGS*
Getting ready to go out was a frustration itself! I was going to wear my leather-look pants and noticed the fabric was falling apart on the legs. I've only worn them about ten times - YUK!! If I had kept the receipt I would have taken them back to the store. So the jeans it was. Then I had to do a quick repair job as some stitching I had done had come loose. Then, after my make-up was done, I was in the middle of doing my nails when the dog started to get sick. Instinctively, I reacted quickly and without thinking, picked her up and moved her to the tile floor where it would be easier to clean up. You guessed! My fingers were full of dog hair and the dog had five little dots on either side of her!! I took it pretty well and laughed at the sight of the polka dotted dog
. A minor set back, which I fixed and when I was finally ready, I put on my red lipstick, looked in the mirror and thought I looked so good I wanted to ask myself out on a date<LOL>! When I was ready to leave, I had come to the scary part. Leaving the house in broad daylight!! Now, being out in daylight doesn't bother me anymore, just that we have this neighbor to the north of us, who is the best neighbor anyone could want. Sometimes when we leave our gate to the parking pad at the rear, and he is in his backyard, he'll come out to talk to us a moment, fill us in on what the kids are up to in the park, or to say he saw some kids playing around our vehicles, that sort of thing. The other neighbor we don't know that well, so he was my only worry. Anyway, I stood a few moments, listening for signs that anyone was in the neighbors yard. The coast being clear, I left the yard, walked to my van and drove away!! Of the entire night, it was only this one time that I was nervous. But once I was moving in the lane, that faded away real quick!! I turned on the radio and began enjoying my fem time:-)
We had arranged to meet at about 7PM, and Shandi would call my cell phone when they were ready to leave as she had to wait for Janine (who would be in guy-mode) to finnish work for the day. While I waited for her call I looked at the clock, it was about 6:30 PM and I had time to kill. So I spent the time going for a very relaxing drive, thinking of the events to come that evening:-)
The drive was very pleasant and now that I'm more at ease with myself, there are no more sudden panic attacks, like the ones that used to happen when I was driving. It used to be that I'd stop at a red light and a car stops beside me. The first thing I did was look another direction, avoid eye contact at all costs!! I can't begin to tell you how worried I used to be about that. That someone would SEE me. Now when I'm driving, the ride is a much more relaxed experience. And I just love when guys check me out too:-) I know the long hair is much of the attraction. And the most fun is when a guy is trying to check me out without letting on to the girl who is with him in the same car!! I just love that, because if he figured it out, he'd be pointing me out to that girl! A tremendous feeling, just being out in the world, just being me:-)
One thing I read about is when you are out in public and someone looks at you in passing, simply look back with a pleasant smile:-) People would have a much harder time making a fuss if you show that you are happy, comfortable, with yourself. Whereas if it appears you are uncertain, then it is easier for someone else to make it dificult for you. Now that I think about it, that is true in girl or guy mode:-)
Anyway, 7:09 PM, I speak with Shandi, who has just received a call from Janine to say she is on his way to pick her up, and we arrange to meet outside a boutique Shandi knows of. A short while later, I arrive and park near the store waiting. People walking by, no one paying any real attention. Guys would be walking toward me and out of the corner of my eye I'd notice they were looking right at me (I know, I do the same thing
). Then just as they got close, I'd turn to face them and look right at them with a smile, only to have them quickly turn away. To late, they've been caught! I was really having fun:-) Shandi and Janine arrive about 8:00pm, park at the rear of the store, then we meet on the sidewalk. Wow! Shandi looked terrific!!! Good thing I read her "casual" comment correctly. She was wearing black jeans, sandals and a white T-shirt! Janine was also in casual (guy-mode) attire, so we worked well together. After a moment of introductions, we walked to and entered the boutique. I've passed by it hundreds of times but never have gone inside. We all walked to the rear of the store and said hello to the staff there:-) It was such a neat feeling, to be out and going places. As I walked about the store, I caught glimpses of my reflection in the security mirrors, and just couldn't believe it was me there smiling back!!
Shandi and I walked around the store. I have been in a similar store, many times in guy-mode, and have always been very nervous and uncomfortable when looking through the "girl stuff". Yet this was so very different:-) It just felt so right, to be dressed, feeling so good about myself and to be checking out all the pretty stuff in there. Along with the fancy lingerie and clothing, the store carries wigs, breast forms, hip pads, but pads, and the list goes on and on. I could have spent a fortune!
AND SHOES!! I left the credit card at home, on purpose!! As far as going out in public goes, my lower heels from Sears and Payless will have to do. But I just have to have new stilettos!! I've always wanted a pair of black patent stilettos with an ankle strap!! They had a pair in my size and only $85!! The pair of 5 inch heels I bought about 20 years ago cost me $ 175 US, and with the exchange and duty, well I don't want to think about it. I know a 4 or 5 inch heel is too high for me, already 6 ft, to wear if I was trying to pass, but would be so fun and sexy to wear for fun.
We looked at several very sexy Victorian corsets, which also appeared to do just what they are supposed to do, suck you in. Most of the corsets today are for show, rather than function. So unless you have that hour glass figure to begin with, most of those corsets won't do anything. These needed to be laced up and although they look very pretty on the outside, they are very well made. GOD, I would love to be laced up tightly in that. I didn't even look at the price, so I don't know how much it is, only that I WANT IT! Actually, I want everything in the store!! And there was a very sexy latex dress that I simply fell in love with!! I know it is a little wild, but I jut have to have one!! Every girl has to have some fetish clothing!
It was so cool, other customers coming and going and I just felt like I really belonged there. I can't wait to go back. It was such a pleasant experience too, and the staff made me feel so welcome that I would love to just go visit the store, even by myself, during one of my fem days. It seems like my whole world is opening up to all kinds of possibilities now. Before, I was always dressed up and no place to go, now, I've got the places to go, so I need to get dressed up!
Before we left, we had to decide what to do next. Janine said she didn't want to got to Club 200 because it would be too noisy to talk, and she didn't want to be out too late as we all had to work in the morning. Then Shandi speaks up and says lets go to My Place Pie Place, which is a wonderful little restaurant, and their specialty is PIE!! (I didn't have to tell you that). HOUSTON, we have a problem!!! I figured I'd run into this sooner or later, just that I figured it would be later. I spoke up and said I'd pass on going for coffee there, explaining that I know the owners of the restaurant and that I go in there very often with my GF. It would be the perfect place too, but just too risky. They both understood completely and suggested Happenings Social Club. So off we went.
After parking, we again meet on the sidewalk and walked to the building. Just after we enter, Shandi stops, and makes a comment that was something like "There's two girls here and who had to hold the door open????" Remember, Janine was in guy-mode! We laughed and walked upstairs to the club on the second floor. Janine, perhaps in reflecting on Shandi's comment, buys our drinks. *Thanks Janine*
After getting our drinks, we go sit at a corner table. The club is kind a neat in that the part of the room we sat in was quieter and we were able to talk without having to yell. This gave us all the chance to get to know each other. What I find so interesting is that the more I open up to people, either on the net or now in person, I start remembering things in my early years that I has suppressed for so long. Like things Shandi or Janine told of their own experiences, they would mention something, then mine similar to those, would surface in my memory again. It was such a terrific experience, just being dressed and being with people, instead of being alone. A warm and cozy feeling. After having some refreshments and wonderful conversations, we left as we all had to work the next morning. (Yes, work has a way of getting in the way of FUN). As we parted at our vehicles, we made arrangements for going to a party on Saturday! After being alone when in girl-mode for all my life, suddenly I've got a full calendar to spend time with friends:-) *Thanks Shandi & Janine*
The party they are having on Saturday is at the home of one of the members, Edwina. Since Shandi won't be at the club's August meeting, she though it would be great for me to meet some of the other members at the party, so I wouldn't be walking into a room full of strangers. (Shandi is so considerate) She wanted to check with the hostess first, out of respect, and forwarded Edwina's reply which basically said that I was more than welcome as a guest in her home. Wow! I sure felt good about that. Now I just can't miss out on this either!
Thanks for reading my story,
Sabrina
E-mail me at sabrina_markes@masquerade.ca
Member of the Winnipeg support group - "Masquerade"