Spilling the beans- "Telling my Girlfriend"...AND being rejected :-(
Everyone I have talked with about sharing our secret with a wife or girlfriend has said the same thing "You never know what the reaction will be, good or bad, until you actually tell the other person!" That's it period. All the signs you think you see that give you an impression of how the other person will react, do not mater. They just don't. Since I've been living with my girlfriend, there have been many comments, etc., that had me wondering if she suspected, and that had me believing she was open minded enough to understand my desires.
On Saturday, October 27, 2001, and the day of my daughter's Halloween party to which I had planned to attend en fem, I was a nervous wreck. Not about going to the party, but about going and still not being honest with my girlfriend, who still did not know of my fem side. I had always felt it was somehow OK to keep the secret of my dressing from everyone close to me, but now that my daughter knows, and as my ex would be at the party too, she would find out, and I just didn't feel comfortable with so many people close to me knowing, yet still keeping it secret from my girlfriend. The night before, my girlfriend had asked what I was going to the party as, and had told her "As myself", since she knows the last time I went, I wasn't in costume. I was really nervous een answering that question.
After lunch, we were sitting in the kitchen talking. I first off asked her how she would feel if someone had something they considered a personal and private part of themselves, does that person have the right to keep it private if they choose, as long as it does not effect anyone else. Her answer was YES. Keeping the secret is their right and is OK. I figured OK, so that covered the secret part. So I just moved onto the next step and told her that I have always had these feelings that have come and gone all my life and that once in a while I left them out by dressing as a girl for a little while. I told her that I had a conversation about it last Sunday with my daughter, and that she asked me to go to the party dressed (turns out she is a big Kids In The Hall fan), and that I didn't want to do it without telling her what I was doing.
God, I didn't expect her reactions, was I gay, was I moving out, that sort of thing. Well things went down hill fast and a few minutes later, she was saying the relationship was over, that I should never expect a hug or kiss from her again, and that she would never accompany me anywhere as a couple. I talked with her about a conversation she had last spring with friends about crossdressers she had seen once at Club 200, and how I wanted to say something then, since she seemed OK with it. She replied that the crossdressers she saw at the club were the girl half of gay relationships who lived in the role 24/7. Which was something she was not prepared to accept. Somehow I think she read things wrong, thinking I wanted to dress all the time, not just once in a while. Things just got worse after that, then she said she had to go rest and didn't want to talk anymore.
While she was resting, I left to go to the store, called my daughter and told her I couldn't go to the party, and told her why. She was very understanding about it. God I wanted to go so badly, since my daughter was so excited, but after what happened, just couldn't think about doing anything, let alone getting dressed.
When my girlfriend woke up, she made breakfast, then we spent the evening watching television, the usual shows we watch Saturday nights. At bed time, she said she was going upstairs to sleep, and when I asked if I could hug her goodnight, she stopped and let me. I felt better then.
Sunday was a little better, we spent the morning putting patio furniture away for the winter, and she was using words like "We" when talking about future events, which was comforting. Then later, she got a call from her brother who asked us over for dinner. She accepted and right away asked me if my daughter was coming with us. That made me happy. We did go to dinner, then afterward, went to friends house ( the couple she had talked with about the crossdressers she saw at Club 200) and had fun there to. When we were leaving, she even made plans for them to come over the next Sunday for supper. So with all that, I thought things were getting better, and have been very slowly ever since.
Looking back, I do realize it was a cruel thing for me to do, by dumping it on her the way I did, and I know I have to work hard at the relationship now. Yet, I am relieved that the two most important people in my life now know about my desires to express my feminine side once in a while.
Although I do get together with my daughter while en fem, my girlfriend has expressed no interest in talking further about it, and has not wanted to talk about it at all. She does know that I belong to the support group "Masquerade", which she like to refer to as "Your men's group"! (Ick, I hate when she says that<LOL>), and does know when I go to the meetings. Perhaps in time, she will want to learn more, but for now, I'll let her come to me instead.
Afterward, I read two very good books, "Coping With Crossdressing", by Joann Roberts, and "The Transvestite And His Wife", which I should have read BEFORE I opened my big mouth. I recommend reading these books, or books of similar content before anyone talks with their wife or SO about their desires.
Thanks for reading my story,
Sabrina
E-mail me at sabrina_markes@masquerade.ca
Member of the Winnipeg support group - "Masquerade"