Sharing my secret - "With my Daughter"...AND being accepted :-)
On Sunday, October 21, 2001, while my daughter and I were out shopping, she asked about me going to her science fiction club's halloween social on the 27th. I was reluctant to commit though. As I was flipping through the selections of adult halloween costumes, I was dreaming of the sexier "girl" costumes:-). There was one I fell in love with, and she caught me looking it over. Out of the blue, I commented to her "I'd bet I'd make a pretty convincing "GIRL", and her response was "Go ahead, I don't have a problem with crossdressers!"
GOD, was that an invitation or what?? Without making a purchase, we left and were on our way home. I hadn't stopped thinking about her comment. I asked her what she meant by her comment, and all she said was that people should feel comfortable dressing however they liked! Before I could change my mind, I asked her how she would feel if dressed as a girl at Halloween, and she said to "Go for it"! I then asked her how she would feel if I told her I had been crossdressing most of my life and her only response was "Really? Cool!" I started to open up about what I've been doing for so long and right away she asked if I went out dressed and did I shave my legs, raid my girlfriend's things when she is away, and the conversation pretty went much like questions and answers. She seemed really understanding about it, then told me her boyfriend sometimes wears purple nail polish! (Mmmm, a sister I haven't met yet??).
Telling my daughter was something I never thought I would ever do, yet somehow, I felt really comfortable opening up to her. Like yet another weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I told her it has been something I've done since my early teens and explained why I was always reluctant to talk to anyone about it. I told her that I was really just to scared to tell my girlfriend, and did tell her that I tried to explain it to her mother, and that it didn't go over well. She seemed to be on my side there. I told her about my special e-mail friends, and about the group I had recently joined, Masquerade, and how this has helped me learn more about why I have been the way I am. She seemed really supportive and said I should be proud to be who I am, however I'm dressed. (I like her attitude*S*).
During our conversation, I told her how most of my dressing was always done when away, and how much different things have been for me since chatting at TG Chat, and lately joining Masquerade. I told her of the things I've done this past summer, and she seemed genuinely interested. I asked her to guess what fem name I had chosen, and she right away said "Sabrina"!! I asked her how she figured it out, and she said she knows how attached I am to Kate Jackson
(And how ticked I was that she was not in the Angels movie!). When we got home, my girlfriend was not home, so I asked my daughter if she wanted to see some pictures. I was so excited about her acceptance that I just wanted to let it all out. She said sure, so I fired up the computer and started opening JPG's. I saw her face light up with a big smile when I loaded the first one, and her first comment was "You look really good". It made me proud to hear my daughter say that. I showed her many more, including the ones Shandi took at Polo Park and The Forks. She asked about how I felt going there and I was honest with her. GOD it felt so good to be open with her about myself. I sat there praying it would be this way to with my girlfriend, then any remaining stress I have would be totally gone!! I showed her the group shot at the club. I was wearing a mini skirt with buttons up the front. She remembered seeing it when I was out shopping with her one day, and she had been looking at it!! I told her how I had gone back the next day to buy it, and her comment was that she was glad it fit! I love that kid!! She seemed really interested in everyone else in the group to.
She commented how well I did my makeup and it was funny to hear her use the word "passable" with me never saying it to her. I wondered where she'd heard it before. She had some ideas about my hair, and one of her first comment was that I need more jewellery (no kidding!). She seemed excited and was asking me about my sizes etc, saying my birthday and Christmas was coming up:-) She did look at my ears and said "Oh, you need clip on's", then went on to say I should get my ears pierced, as lots of guys she knows at school have both ears done. Is she for real?? I could tell she wasn't just saying she was OK with me dressing, by the way she talked about things. To be honest, she seemed excited about it!
When driving her home later, she asked again if I was going to go to her Halloween social. She said she knows my girlfriend won't go, so I could do whatever I wanted. It almost seemed like she was getting anxious to meet "Sabrina" for real:-) We made plans and I was realy getting excited about it.
Now that this has happened, I couldn't wait for the right door of opportunity like this one to start talking to my girlfriend about me! Perhaps all it will take is that door to be opened for me.
Thanks for reading my story,
Sabrina
E-mail me at sabrina_markes@masquerade.ca
Member of the Winnipeg support group - "Masquerade"