Meeting a "Sister" in person for the first time....Since the fall of 2000, I have opened up a tremendous amount when chatting with other T-girls in the chat room, and through sharing feelings in e-mails. I have felt very strongly that many of those contacts have really been from the heart. Well, most of them anyway. Yet the anonimity of the "Net" made it easy for me to begin to search through and sort out my own feelings, trying to figure out just what was going on inside me, without exposing myself too much.
Yet there comes a time when enough is enough. I am ME and that is all that matters. After visiting Cynthia's web site again in June, 2001, I began reading her stories about the Xpressions support group's Christmas dinners. Thinking of all the fun they must has been having, I searched for and found the Xpressions web site, and came across a link to Masquerade, a Winnipeg support group! After always reading about and hearing about the other groups all over the country, never knowing where to look in Winnipeg, and then again, just how does one go about "asking around" without being "out"?
I anxiously visited the site and my first impression was WOW! So close and yet I still felt so far away:-( I thought of writing for about a week. Somehow it was always easier to write to someone in another part of the country, but I thought, was this too close to home? All my past fears about people finding out came to mind. I finaly wrote to both Shandi and Robin, who both wrote back right away!!*Thanks*
After several e-mails back and forth, and a few phone calls, I finally arranged to meet with Shandi, in guy-mode, at a downtown donut shop Monday evening, July 23, 2001! A lot of things have been big steps forward for me, yet this was the biggest! I arrived at the donut shop and waited at a corner table. I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind, how do I talk about something I've hidden for so long, and in a crowded coffee shop, and one I've frequented in guy-mode! I admit, I was a little uneasy, though I thought I would be terrified!. Shandi, in guy-mode, arrived. We met and sat at the corner table. After only a few moments, meeting, saying hellos, it was like a sudden calm came over me and it felt like I was meeting a friend I've known for years! I think that is because the feelings I have known for years, we all have shared. A common bond:-)
It seems we both had a great way of talking in circles so we KNEW what we were talking about, hiding the content of the conversation from others in the donut shop. I think that helped settle the uneasyness of the situation, being in the crowded room, like we both were on the same level:-) There were a few ladies who sat at the table next to us, who may have heard a thing or two, but they were too busy with their own chats to worry about us. As time went on, it was actually easier to say what I wanted to Shandi. After all, the others in the room don't know me, so why should I worry about it??
Shandi showed me photo albums of the girls of Masquerade, many whom I thought looked very beautiful and so happy:-) And there were pictures of some of the events they have been at, all looking like they were having a blast! Shandi pointed out with many of the pictures, who has moved away, who are new and long time members etc. She showed me their club newsletter too! As I flipped through the pages I was thinking "all this has been going on in Winnipeg and where was I?"! Shandi filled me in on where and when their meetings are and welcomed me to join them, and told me of some of the events they have been at in the city. What was realy special was being able to talk with someone who knew of and spoke of places I knew too.
On the way home, I though there was no going back in time. I have been alone with my feminine side all my life and now I have an opportunity to change that! Thanks Shandi, for taking the time that Monday, meet with me:-)*HUGS*
Thanks for reading my story,
Sabrina
E-mail me at sabrina_markes@masquerade.ca
Member of the Winnipeg support group - "Masquerade"