Christmas Shopping - Sunday, December 18, 2005
After
so many years of wishing I could I finally got my chance on Sunday, December
18, 2005, to do some "Christmas Shopping" in a mini skirt and
heels.
Since starting to venture out in the real world back in 2000 I haven't had much free time at home and with my "Unsupportive" GF at home most of the time... dressing at home hasn't been an option. However, now that she is back to working full time I have started taking full advantage of those weekends and evenings that she is now working:-)
Getting dressed in my van is some things I've done for so many years it just seems "normal". Well, so is getting dressed at home, yet I have to admit it can be stressful, worrying about having my GF come home early. We last spoke of my desires to express my feminine site back in January 2002 and that was the last of it. She wasn't open to discussing it further so since then I've adopted the "don't ask don't tell" rule.
Sunday was a beautiful winter day...Sunny and just hovering around -2 C with almost NO wind. Great! A "Good hair day". It was so terrific, having lots of room to get dressed rather than the cramped van I'm used to. For my shopping trip I chose to wear my red leather mini skirt with a black sweater, black hose and boots. And my jacket of course. After all it is winter!
It certainly felt wonderful to be getting ready to go out for a shopping trip this way. With the exception of my listening for any sound that would indicate my GF was coming home early from work! Which wouldn't be the first time! Of course I did prepare for the event and made sure that "His" clothes were in my van just in case I had to change "before" coming home!
Once my makeup was done and I was happy with my outfit I decided I'd leave first and do my nails in my van. Making sure I hadn't left anything laying about I put on my jacket, grabbed my purse, tossed the dog a treat and locked the door. It just seemed so perfect to start my outing this way....from home. On my way out to my van I noticed one little thing. I had left "Heel marks" on the sidewalk! Of course I smiled knowing they were made by a sexy redhead, but I didn't need my GF wondering. So I walked tip-toe over them twisting on the tips of my boots to "remove the evidence". With a smile on my face I got into my van and left for my shopping trip, with a short stop along the way to do my nails:-)
My
first stop was to see Mary at Lady Godiva Boutique and deliver a
Christmas present to her and of course get some pictures. That's the only
problem with going out shopping alone... No one to take the pictures!!
After seeing Mary I headed over to the Grant Park Shopping Centre and although the parking lot was very busy I found a parking space in the middle of the lot near the Zellers store. Which of course meant I had to walk all the way through the parking lot in my mini skirt and heels! GOD what a feeling of freedom! To get dressed the way I want to and just go shopping in broad daylight, feeling the cool winter air on my legs (and of course catching a guy "checking me out").
Inside the store was very busy with all the Christmas shoppers hunting for that perfect gift. Hey, just like ME! I really enjoyed the slow walk through the store, stopping occasionally to check out things that caught my eye. I hadn't planned on doing a lot of Christmas shopping since I wanted my fem outing to be pleasant rather than that hectic stressful kind of shopping that Christmas ussual is. So I was focused on 2 things. Buying a gift for my girlfriend's birthday coming up and for my daughter's stepsister, who is only 8 years old.
Since I already new I was going to get a gift certificate from McNally Robinson for my GF I walked through the mall, stopping to check out more girl stuff along the way. So many people around and not one hint that I was being "read" by anyone making it a very comfortable experience. Of course that was my worry years ago now, about how people would react.
Yes, I have been "Read" in the 5 years of going out. However, considering it has only been about 5 times where someone has made it obvious, that goes a long way to show just how small a percentage of people will notice or make it their business that they noticed. I am sure there is also a very high percentage of people who do indeed notice there is something "different" about me and simply accept me as I am.
I spent some time browsing the book shelves in McNally Robinson which due to the nature of the store was very peaceful and quiet. It was busy but there is something about a bookstore like this that has the atmosphere of a library, where people do talk, but in whispers. The line to the checkout was very long with about 30 people waiting, including me. Standing there in my mini skirt and high heeled boots, inching my way to the checkout as the line moved forward. So many people around, and me with a happy smile on my face. The girl in front of me after a while commented to me about how busy the store was for a Sunday and I commented in my "Sabrina voicec" about simply "coming in for a gift certificate so at least I knew what I wanted!" The girl commented her shopping wasn't over by a long shot and turned to face the checkout.
Perhaps it has been all of my going out en fem, meeting so many people, strangers really, and talking with them, that has let me know all the fears that I did have were realy my own worries holding me back. We just never know the feeling until we take that step out the door and confront the real world, our world, first hand, to know we can be and are accepted by society. And I am feeling that the reason for this is that society in general wants themselves to be accepted too!
At the checkout I purchased my gift certificate and walked proudly through the store with my purchase. As I left the store I walked past a group of guys who had stopped talking to watch me pass by and as my heels clicked loud and proud on the tile floor of the mall I overheard one of the guys comment "WoW! She's tall!" That certainly made my day! Yes, the "Wow" comment, but it is the word "she" he used in the sentence that makes me feel so accepted.
My next stop was the toy department of the Zellers store, which being a week before Christmas was like a war zone moving in the isles. So many parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles in the looking for that perfect gift to give to that special child in their life. And all walking about without a clue what to get! At least I had an idea. My daughter had told me that her stepsister is big time into the Littlest Petshop toys and specifically anything with the line's cats. So that did narrow it down. As "Him" I had been out looking a few days before and didn't find what I was looking for so perhaps it was fate that I found the Littlest Petshop "Beauty Shop" while out shopping as Sabrina! Of course it did take a while to find the selection in the department. But I didn't mind standing there waiting my turn. Just like everyone else!
With my purchase in hand I walked to the checkout where I had to again wait in the long lineup of Christmas shoppers. Mission accomplished! I had bought what I had set out to buy and left the store feeling the cool winter air on my legs as I walked through the parking lot to my van. Having more Christmasy things I needed to do at home I made my way there thinking how "Normal" the day has been. To get up, get dressed, go out, do what I needed to do and go back home!
Since my GF has been known to come home early from work on more than one occasion I was prepared to change in my can in case her vehicle was parked outside when I returned. I was relieved to find it wasn't and parked in my space, grabbed my shopping bags and entered the yard through the gate. Great! I was home! Now all I had to do was let the dog out and change before my girlfriend did come home.
Going out to the TG Friendly places like Gio's and Club 200 is indeed a lot of fun. Yet it is so rewarding to simply get dressed as I want to be dressed and go out to do which amounts to everyday activities like "Shopping"!
Thanks for reading my story,
Sabrina
E-mail me at sabrina_markes@masquerade.ca
Member of the Winnipeg support group - "Masquerade"